Star Trek Prequel: Why It Fails
Let me start by saying that as any reader of this blog or friend of mine knows, I hate most movies. There are a few exceptions, but in general, I just can’t be bothered to watch them. However, I have always been a bit of a Star Trek nerd and I have many fond memories of spending Saturday morning watching Capt. Kirk and his crews’ adventures in re-runs. I fumed at their terrible treatment of Uhura, the space secretary in hottie gear. Why don’t they put her in a real uniform? I would fume, as Kirk romanced yet another green alien, that he would leave behind as he jetted off to the stars.
How can you possibly do a prequel to this show? Star Trek was a classic, ground-breaking show, a historical TV series. It perfectly encapsulates the way that people thought at the time. Remember how they portrayed women as bumbling, shiny-eyed, penis-worshipers with big hair and the men as infallible? Remember the cheesy stage make-up, remember what special effects were like before CGI and all that other computerized crap? Remember the inclusion of the token Russian commie and the way he pronounced the word “wessels”? Remember the bad technology, the clocks with the mechanically flipped numbers? My gramma had one of those old school alarm clocks on the side of her bed. Remember the styrofoam rocks and the mood music? “Da-da-da-da-da dadadada-DAH” during the intense fight scenes and some sappy mood music when Kirk is romancing some naive alien girls. All females are naive and need educating about love, don’t-you-know?
Why, just think how much science fiction has changed! Strong female characters pervade the science fiction genre. Except for Star-Gate, with their token female character, brainiac Major Carter, who is conventionally attractive and totters around in high heels and skirts and makes cutesy comments like “Just because my reproductive organs are on the inside of my body instead of the outside…” Ha ha ha that crazy Carter, doesn’t she know that we live in a post-feminist society? Oh wait. I almost forgot about Seven of Nine, who they had to sexify in order to make her less scary. Even Captain Janeway had to be beautiful. Can you imagine what would have happened if Roseanne had played that role? Voyager would have been laughed out of the pilot stage.
But I digress. You see, the fact that sci-fi has just as much ridiculous sexist nonsense as it has ever had is one of the reasons why the Star Trek prequel is going to be terrible.
They have Kirk and Uhura hooking up. How could those bastards do that? It’s a crime against humanity. What the hell were they thinking? Whatever you do, don’t go see this prequel. It’s phail with a capital P. No amount of light and magic is going to overcome the inherent wrongness of such a plot line.
Anyway, if you want to waste a couple of minutes of your life viewing the trailer, here is a nice link for you to follow. In the meantime, I have more useful things to do, like pick lint out of my belly button.
November 23rd, 2008 at 2:23 am
Yes, yes, yes. Star Trek is patriarchal – but it always has been. You are a self confessed Star Trek nerd. It was always equally shallow, but fun. I think you should go!
P.S. aren’t you kind of promoting the movie by ragging on it? I didn’t know it existed before, but now I’m thinking it might be fun (minus the Uhuru bit).
November 23rd, 2008 at 9:20 am
I’ll tell you why you should watch it. I can’t imagine the new cast ever replacing the old & beloved ones in my mind. But the very fact that they are making one is enough to get excited about it. I believe that the new movie will be enough of a boost to revive the franchise. After the dismal showing of ‘Nemesis’ and the below par ‘Enterprise’, we badly need a strong movie to bring the phenomenon back in it’s rightful place at the forefront of the entertainment industry.
November 23rd, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Yeah, there is some irony for you. I love complaining about things so much that it doesn’t even bother me that I am also promoting it.
Sure, I will watch this movie. I’ll download it on livewire after everyone is sick of it. But actually pay money to go see the movie? I don’t go to movies as it is and I certainly won’t be seeing this one. FAIL!
Yes, Star Trek was pretty awesome in its’ own way but it sure is fun to complain about.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
[...] imagined that I would be going to see this movie after I read some rumors on the internet that Uhura and Kirk were going to hook up. Fortunately those rumors were untrue. They managed to make it even worse than that. Uhura’s [...]