The Great Michael Phelps Post
I have done my best to refrain from posting about this Michael Phelps bong story as it is a complete waste of my time. I know that everybody expects me to care about the big pot kerfuffle because it involves my favorite plant. But why is the fact that a famous athlete smoked pot even a story? Why does anybody care? In a sensible world, the fact of an athlete inhaling the burning fumes from a medicinal herb would hardly raise an eyebrow. Never forget, that cannabis is the safest medically active substance know to humankind. That not a single person has ever ingested enough cannabis to die of an overdose. Realize that cannabis in no way has the negative health outcomes of many readily available and used over-the-counter drugs such as Tylenol or recreational drugs like alcohol. Right now, somewhere on Planet Earth, or while you read my world famous Friday 4:20 series, a group of teachers are throwing back brewskis and barley sandwiches like its going out of style. I would never dare to begrudge these fine educators their legal and socially acceptable drug. I just wish that people would put Michael Phelps “youthful indiscretion” into perspective.
However, as this story has unfolded, I can not help but be amazed at the depths of inanity that the human race can reach. The first foolish thing was Phelps so-called buddy taking his pic and selling it to a cheesy British tabloid. I hope that idiot enjoys his money. I hope that his identity becomes widely known among his circle of friends and they can tell him what I am dying to say. “Piss off, dick.” After the pic was released the world went: OMG PHELPS BONG STONER GOING TO POT LOSER!!11 Once that dust settles and some of the media move on to another user of socially unacceptable drugs A-Rod. But some other media go ballistic. People speculate about the punishment that Phelps should face for his terrible crime of devoting his life to sports, winning 14 Olympic Gold medals and inhaling the burning fumes of an illegal but relatively harmless plant. It doesn’t take long for the verdict to be read. Phelps loses his lucrative Kelloggs’ contract due to “his bad image”. He gets suspended from competing for three months.
I contemplated boycotting Kelloggs in my own head, as I felt it would be a futile gesture of support at best. But what the hey, I love to jump on a good bandwagon. I won’t be buying anymore Kelloggs products until they smarten up. If those marketing people had any sense they would put out a Special Edition Kelloggs box with the bong-hitting photo on the front. After all, you have to be wicked high to enjoy Kelloggs, right? Put my name on that petition.
I ran across this recap of the Phelps non-story and felt compelled to agree. I can not watch the video, I sure wish I could, so if you are Canadian you have to settle for reading the transcript. But the worst was yet to come. You see, eight people have now been arrested in connection with the bong-smoking incident. Seven charges of possession and one charge of trafficking were laid against the party-goers. It’s pretty hard to believe that smoking pot should be this big of a priority for Sherriff Leon Lott when there are actually real crimes to worry about. You know, rape and murder and assault? Yeah, you have better things to do.
I mean, how stupid can we really get? I can’t even believe I’m writing this crap while contemplating taking pictures of me defacing the Raisin Bran box in my cupboard. How can this even be?
When I started this blog and my Friday 4:20 series, I was hoping to limit my pot-posting to once a week. So much for that.
February 13th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
[...] prohibition in particular is a blind spot for many people in our world. I would point to the recent Michael Phelps debacle to illustrate this point, as well as the ongoing raids of medical marijuana dispensaries in [...]