I Hate Midtown Plaza
I once went to the Midtown Plaza mall in downtown Saskatoon. It was the biggest mistake that I have ever made in my life. First of all, like every gullible consumer, I wandered aimlessly about the mall with a wad of cash burning a hole in my pocket. But I was also thirsty for a glass of water. No, I did not say a hot steaming cup of Starbucks, I want water. H2O. Not carbonated, over-priced sugar crap. WATER! As a lifelong participant in the educational system, I like water fountains. So off I went in search of a water fountain. Did I find a water fountain, you ask? No, I did not. Therefore I only had two options. 1. Suffer through my thirst until I get home and slurp directly from the tap or 2. Purchase a Dasani or Evian water bottle from the vending machine, wasting my hard-earned cash and contributing to pollution and the planet’s impending ecological collapse. The mall-builders neglected to put in water fountains in a nefarious scheme to separate me from my hard-earned cash. Well, it worked. Are you happy that you pried $1.75 out of my wallet? I certainly hope so.
I hope that you do not require more reasons to hate the mall. But just in case you do, I can provide. I walked past Cole’s bookstore and came across a lame display designed to separate consumers AKA suckers from their hard-earned cash. The display was entitled “20 books to read before you turn 20″. This is not enough to condemn the display. No, it was the books they chose that elicited a mighty eye-roll from yours truly. I have to admit that I have not read “The Diary of Anne Frank” or “The Book of Negroes” and I have no reason to dismiss those books as hackneyed garbage worthy of disdain. In fact, both of those books are on my grand list of “Books I Must Read Before I Die”. The book that gave me pause was “The Fountainhead” by Ayn Rand. I have to admit that I have not read this book and I never will. You see, I suffered through a couple of other Rand books, namely “Atlas Shrugged”. I can not emphasize how terrible Ayn Rand is. Her books are horrible. She tries desperately to be an honorary man by going on about “mankind”. Thanks a lot for erasing the existence of women, jerk. I have no respect for a female writer that is too lazy to use gender inclusive language such as “humankind” or “humanity”. Did she not grow up in a male-dominated world? Did she not feel anger and frustration while reading textbooks in school written exclusively from the male point of view? It sure used to anger me A LOT when I would read absolute garbage dismissing the female experience.
Also, she loves to write gross sex scenes wherein hetero chicks orgasm while men degrade them. It is impossible to read any of her horrible “literature” without scrunching your nose and thinking “EWWWWW!!!!”. I am an expert on Ayn Rand because I once read one of her books. Trust me when I say, don’t read Ayn Rand. Unless you like projectile diarrhea in written form.
Also, Rand is in love with cancer sticks and compares things she loves to smoking. All the time. And no, I am not making this up.
As if that wasn’t bad enough to convince me that Cole’s hates all women everywhere and female experience, they have to put up a truly odious display. A poster entitled Books for Boys. The books were books that any child living on planet earth could and would enjoy. If you answer yes to the following questions, you would like these books:
1. Do you like getting dirty?
2. Do you like taking things apart?
3. Do you like learning new things?
And that is what everybody likes to do, no matter what the configuration of their personal genitalia. It’s what makes you human. There was no “Books for Girls” display, but that was probably a good thing. They are so stupid that they would have probably put books about kittens and rainbows in the “Books for Girls” display and that would have made me even more cranky than forgetting that girls even exist. I wish Coles would realize that girls are human. How about a “Books for Kids” display?
Coles can forget about ever getting my hard-earned money ever again.
I’m starting to sound like a cranky Andrea Dworkin style radical feminist, the older that I get. And that’s all right with me. Male as standard, female as secondary (or worse, non-existent) is the foundation that misogyny is built upon.
I hate The Mall.
