Star Trek: An Excellent Waste of Time
CONTAINS SPOILERS
Of course it contains spoilers. You are only reading this because you aren’t going to see the movie anyway.
I just finished going to the Star Trek movie with Ethan and the kids, Hannah and Katrina. At first I never imagined that I would be going to see this movie after I read some rumors on the internet that Uhura and Kirk were going to hook up. Fortunately those rumors were untrue. They managed to make it even worse than that. Uhura’s hooking up with a colleague was entirely unnecessary but completely predictable. If what you were looking for in a science fiction movie is a safe, predictable plotline you won’t be disappointed. There was an evil bad guy with tattoos, men in charge while women run around in hottie gear comforting the big strong men, the death of an unknown crew member that nobody cares about, lots of cool technology, explosions, and Bones giving his classic line “I’m a doctor not a _______!” The movie was safe, like a warm hug from Mom. It’s a good thing I was in the mood for mindless, patriarchy brain-washing or this movie would have made me mad.
I have a suggestion for the sequel to this movie (Of course there will be a sequel) that would shake things up a bit and piss off all those Trekkie nerds.
Put the men in skirts.
I know what you are thinking already. “Oh Tanya quit being such a feminazi, man-hater! They had to put all the women in the movie in skirts because that’s what happened in the original series. Why don’t you just get over the cognitive dissonance you experienced as a child watching Star Trek reruns because the women wore short skirts? Because we exist to give men boners and that’s how it will always be? There is nothing degrading about women having an inferior uniform design. Besides, all women everywhere dress for combat in high heel shoes, dangling earrings and short skirts. ”
Ok, I agree. So let’s put the men in skirts. Let’s portray the women as swaggering frat-boy-genius alcoholic lotharios that constantly hook up with green men and hang out under beds. That would shake things up a bit and make it interesting.
But it will never happen because even though most movies are almost universally mindless boring dreck, when I am desperate for entertainment in my meaningless life I will continue to drop 40 bucks to watch this crap.
May 10th, 2009 at 12:12 am
broken link, WP does this odd thing where it makes the last part of the URL appear twice if you copy it from the preview URL.
May 10th, 2009 at 12:14 am
And good review too by the way. It is certainly as you say, along with being an amazing movie too if you overlook the shortcomings of it being in the TOS ’60s style morphed with the teen-Summer blockbuster movie of the ’00s genre.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Trekkie academy women aren’t the only women wearing short skirts these days – or presenting themselves in ways that encourage those boners. The most dangerous thing about women is how attractive they are – just like the most dangerous thing about men is their fight. In a stupid Hollywood movie, they really go for the lowest common denominator.
It was pretty outrageous, however, seeing the legions of Academy cadets preparing for war by marching in mini-skirts.
And how about stoner Harold morphing into Mr. Action as Sulu?
Yes, it was a stupid movie, but a fun stupid movie!
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:05 pm
[...] My prayers were answered! I get to see a Star Trek Man in a skirt. Sexy! [...]
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:20 pm
[...] again my family dragged me to see another movie last weekend. Instead of a nerdular, sexist, futuristic drama, we went to see a family movie called Up. I always expect great things from Pixar and they [...]