The things that go through my head

Have you read Twilight? The totally awesome four book series about a gawky teenage girl named Bella who totally falls head over heels in love with Edward the super sexy control freak stalker vampire. All the young girls just love this book. When Bella and Edward break up at one point in the series, Bella loses the will to live. There is no reason to live if you break up with a man! Suicide is your only option. Or this song.

I wonder if I was like this when I was knocked up. I sure hope not.

I despise grammar. All these stupid rules to structure your writing properly. Blah blah blah. I hate the fact that I know all of these ridonculous grammar rules and I hate the fact that I get paid money to enforce them. I also hate the fact that I always notice spelling mistakes. The sign advertising a restaurant’s “Chirstmas” specials last year drove me insane. Every time I drove past that sign I had to resist the urge to park my car and switch the i and the r around. I was very proud of the fact that I did not fix that sign.

It drives me crazy that there are a tonne of spelling mistakes on this blog. I also am guilty of comma abuse. I, like, use, commas, way, too, much. When I finally write my own personal book, that All-Canadian Novel, the editors will bash their heads against their desks thanks to my terrible grammar and comma abuse. I suppose I could learn how to use commas properly but I am not going to. *pout* SO THERE.

I should put a disclaimer on my blog. People should be prepared for the blatant breakage of grammar rules. It isn’t very nice to subject peoples’ fragile minds to all this bad grammar.

WARNING: This blog is guilty of excessive comma use.

DISCLAIMER: This post is written from the perspective of a parent of children that are currently being schooled in the public education system. While it is true that I am employed by the school system, I write this as a parent, not a professional. My professional opinions are worthless, as I have not put in enough time participating in rote learning at an institution of “higher learning” to earn a Bachelor of Education.

This post is long-winded and not for the faint of heart. If you have a short attention span, leave now and read a twitter feed. Read more…

With all the bad things going on in the world, one needs to see some good news in order to keep sane. It would be great if we could come up with reliable green sources of energy that will help ween the population off of its’ addiction to oil. Wouldn’t it be excellent to have a whole bunch of kites in the sky used to power all of our homes and vehicles?

I was at the gym the other day when my senses were assaulted by the bad odors emanating from the young man who was working out on the machine next to mine. I had to stop my workout and turn on a fan pointed in his direction in order to spare myself from his headache-inducing fumes. I was already feeling a little bit under the weather thanks to a head cold. The sneezing fits brought on by my allergy to his fumes made me feel even worse.

Why are people so rude with their body odors? Do people not realize that allergy sufferers exist? Axe body spray is an allergen that never fails to induce sneezing, coughing and extreme itchiness in my nose. Apparently, those of you that choose to drown yourselves in this over-priced garbage have never bothered to consider how it feels to be sensitive to these odors.

Allergy sufferers are real and they don’t need to smell you. Quit being brainwashed by stupid advertising campaigns launched by the greedy butt-munches that want to sell you over-priced cologne that you don’t need. The ladies are not going to fight over you and fling their panties in your direction because you choose to drown yourselves in Axe body spray instead of showering. That shit smells terrible.

CONTAINS SPOILERS

Of course it contains spoilers. You are only reading this because you aren’t going to see the movie anyway.

I just finished going to the Star Trek movie with Ethan and the kids, Hannah and Katrina. At first I never imagined that I would be going to see this movie after I read some rumors on the internet that Uhura and Kirk were going to hook up. Fortunately those rumors were untrue. They managed to make it even worse than that. Uhura’s hooking up with a colleague was entirely unnecessary but completely predictable. If what you were looking for in a science fiction movie is a safe, predictable plotline you won’t be disappointed. There was an evil bad guy with tattoos, men in charge while women run around in hottie gear comforting the big strong men, the death of an unknown crew member that nobody cares about, lots of cool technology, explosions, and Bones giving his classic line “I’m a doctor not a _______!” The movie was safe, like a warm hug from Mom. It’s a good thing I was in the mood for mindless, patriarchy brain-washing or this movie would have made me mad.

I have a suggestion for the sequel to this movie (Of course there will be a sequel) that would shake things up a bit and piss off all those Trekkie nerds.

Put the men in skirts.

I know what you are thinking already. “Oh Tanya quit being such a feminazi, man-hater! They had to put all the women in the movie in skirts because that’s what happened in the original series. Why don’t you just get over the cognitive dissonance you experienced as a child watching Star Trek reruns because the women wore short skirts? Because we exist to give men boners and that’s how it will always be? There is nothing degrading about women having an inferior uniform design. Besides, all women everywhere dress for combat in high heel shoes, dangling earrings and short skirts. ”

Ok, I agree. So let’s put the men in skirts. Let’s portray the women as swaggering frat-boy-genius alcoholic lotharios that constantly hook up with green men and hang out under beds. That would shake things up a bit and make it interesting.

But it will never happen because even though most movies are almost universally mindless boring dreck, when I am desperate for entertainment in my meaningless life I will continue to drop 40 bucks to watch this crap.

Just in case you needed a laugh.