The things that go through my head

This blog post title may be the understatement of the week, considering what took place on a radio station in what turned out to be the worst idea ever. A concerned mother wanted to keep her child under control and be labeled a good parent by all the listeners of this ill-advised program. She decided it would be a good idea to hook up her young daughter to a lie detector machine and let total strangers (bantering radioheads) question her about her sexual history and drug use and broadcast this humiliating exchange to thousands of perfect strangers.

Yes, I know it’s the standard fare of Maury and Jerry Springer and Rikki Lake and Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Phil or whatever popular knob talking head to project bad parenting to the masses but this is my blog and I can hate all those idiots for abusing teenagers in public if I want to. So there!

Being a teenaged girl is bad enough as it is, what with the menstrual cycles, snapped bras, dirty jokes, public school and the perverted boys, without subjecting a girl to this kind of abuse. And this story is bad enough as it is, but hold onto your hats it’s about to get a lot worse.

You see, the teenaged girl had been through a rape a couple of months previous to the show and mom hadn’t felt this detail was important enough to pass on to the questioners. That’s right, the teenaged girl had to tell the world about her sexual assault on the air. At least the questioners had the decency to back off after that revelation but it’s still horrible.

I had a rather unpleasant thought about all this business. What if the teenaged girl had been through an assault and had decided to keep it a secret. Maybe she didn’t want to talk about it with her mom because she didn’t think she would understand or maybe the experience was just too painful. And bantering radioheads asked her about her sexual history and she said that she hadn’t had sex and failed the lie detector test. And then the bantering radioheads and the mom ganged up on the girl in public on the radio about her sex life. It’s a truly appalling thought. That’s the last thing that any girl recovering from a sexual assault would need.

You shouldn’t have to talk about your sex life to people without your consent. But who cares about the rights of teenaged girls! It’s apparently okay to be a mean-spirited bully instead of a parent. Selling ad space in our over-commercialized culture is more important than anything else. Garbage like this is the reason I don’t watch television or listen to the radio anymore. Talk radio is the worst.

Oh but I am not done yet. They tried desperately to make the standard offer of counseling to fix the poor, poor victim. It’s what is offered to sex assault survivors everywhere. “You need counseling.” That is none of your business. And it doesn’t change the fact that you have traumatized someone who already went through a terrible experience. What all survivors everywhere need is for people to quit being insensitive jerks. Counseling is far from being all you need to recover from rape. How about if we send all rape-enablers for some counseling and see how they like it?

Not only is it sexist but it’s mind-rotting trash. But this clip made me lol.

For those of you that doubt the existence of the patriarchy, I bring you this horrifically painful article from CNN. It is written by an expectant mother who is disappointed to find out that she is having a girl after having two boys.  Because boys and girls are sooooo completely different.  Boys are rough and tumble and it’s appropriate to spend time with them looking through magazines and mocking all things traditionally related to the female gender.  It’s just fine and dandy to train your boys that pink girl things are absolutely terrible.  Reinforcing patriarchal gender roles and the second class status of us little girls is normal parenting behavior.

I want to judge this article writer for being a tool of the patriarchy for writing and publishing this tripe.  But I really do feel sorry for her.  She has obviously absorbed too many brain-washing toxins from living in a culture that absolutely hates women.  How is it possible for anybody to give a piece of their writing such an atrocious title:  Why I didn’t want a girl.  I just honestly can’t believe it.  Not only that, she must really hate herself if she really feels that way about having a girl.

You have to understand that I underwent a little awakening many, many years ago.  Something strange, new and awesome dawned on me as I was sitting with my abusive ex watching episodes of Oprah, Dr. Phil and Jerry Springer.  I realized that all these shows are the same.  They teach people to hate and judge others for being different or better yet at a disadvantage.  Mocking dysfunctional people as they throw chairs at each other made me feel good about myself. So do you want to know what I did?

I turned off the TV and quit watching that crap.  Humans, including myself, are programmable sheep and TV is a great form of brain-washing.  If you are looking for it, you will find that most media is designed to make you hate yourself.  You are too fat or your eyelashes are too thin so you need some over-priced goop to be lovable.

The other day a friend of mine asked me to explain feminism to him.  I had no idea how to respond to that.  I can not speak for anyone but myself.  My views are that we live in an oppressive patriarchy and your indoctrination begins the minute your mother answers the question: “Is it a boy or is it a girl?”  Cute pink sleepers for her, rough and tumble boyish blue for him.

Sarah Haskins’ link, since the embed function refuses to work on this blog.

Commercials are the reason that I don’t watch television. Except for Animal Planet and the Discovery Channel. They rule so much. You can always count on Animal Planet to deliver some extremely awesome octopus videos. Octopuses are such an excellent species. They never warmonger or lock up other members of their species for smoking the wrong plants. I suppose it is rather difficult to smoke anything underwater though.

I have decided to shake up my use of the English language. I am endlessly annoyed with the way that language shapes our attitudes toward gender. I am sick and tired of telling people, usually men, to quit being grammatically lazy and use inclusive language. Don’t say “mankind” when you mean “humankind”. The male as standard and female as secondary trope is the foundation upon which the second class status of women is built.

I do make an effort to use gender inclusive language. I believe I am successful in my use of the written word but I definitely lapse in my spoken language. For example, today while I was frittering away my free time by playing Mario Galaxy with my kids, I informed them that we needed to go back to the Loop-Dee-Loop galaxy in order to get more Men for Mario. Then I corrected myself and said 1-ups. But it still annoyed me that I fell for the Male-as-Standard BS at all. Sure, it’s great that I say power-ups or 1-ups. But it would be even better if I went to female as standard. That would really make people think. So no more calling Mario’s lives Men or even 1-ups or power ups. I will call Mario’s lives Women.

I can already hear the silly questions that my use of female as standard, male as secondary will illicit. Here are the silly questions with my responses to each.

Q: “Oh Tanya, you’re such a feminist.”

A: “I do what I can but it’s never enough.”

Q: “Isn’t replacing male as standard with female as standard just proof that you hate men?”

A: “I’m sorry but this question is too stupid for me to take seriously.”

Q: *stunned silence*

“Oh I’m so so sorry that I hurt your feelings. You were being serious! I really had no idea. Well, here is my attempt to answer a question that would not be necessary for me to answer if the radical gay feminist agenda had been as successful as Right-Wing radio hosts like Rush Limbaugh would have you believe.

You see, when I was a young innocent girl-child, I attended public school in order to get this thing called an EDUCATION. It was serious business and I took it very seriously. I did what the teachers asked of me and I truly believed that school had all the answers. However, some thoughtful seeds were planted in my brain when I noticed that the textbooks were written exclusively from the male point of view. When I asked my teachers about this they would either explain that this is just the way it is or they would give me that frustrated eyeroll that my frequent questions illicited. As an adult I would learn all about patriarchy and then it made sense. In a patriarchy, womens’ interests and concerns are not considered because they are secondary to mens’ concerns. This makes no sense when you consider that women make up over half of the human race. But when you live in a patriarchy, that’s just the way it is.

For the majority of my adult life I have done my best to eradicate this trope from my speech, not that anybody has noticed. And I feel this is insufficient to make the point that male as standard is pervasive. If I used female as standard, people may notice and ask questions and maybe even think about the ways that they use language.

You may even want to think about why it is that feminists must spend 98% of their time reassuring the poor men that they do not hate them. ”

Q: “That is such a great idea! I am going to do it too. I’m going to say womankind when I mean humankind (forget mankind). I am going to refer to the gender of animals as she when the gender is unknown. You’re idea is so awesome and amazing that I am going to steal it.”

A: ” Thank you kindly, Woman. Imitation is the sincerest form for flattery.”

Nothing pains me more than sitting there in front of the teevee, watching some show deemed appropriate for children, and hearing the phrase casually uttered “She’s just playing hard to get!” by some over-eager pimply-faced jerk. Why just the other day I was watching “The Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show” and Bugs was pursuing some uninterested and unfortunate female. The female is always a hussied up version of the male. When Bugs wants to fool old Elmer Fudd, all he has to do is don the female drag that we girls all know and love-mascara, eye shadow, creams, powders, high heels, dresses, big hair- that universally distinguishes the genders. The biggest problem with playing hard to get is the fact that she isn’t playing. She just wants you to leave her alone and move on with your life.

Every woman or girl inhabiting Planet Earth in the presence of males has been subjected to the torment of being pursued by some jerk who just won’t take no for an answer. In my own life I have been lucky enough to have been accused of playing hard to get, when I just wanted HIM to leave me alone and get on with his life. Honestly, does anybody genuinely think it’s romantic when a guy follows you around, singing songs under your window, banging on your door, begging for your affection and drunkenly slurring words of love on the phone at 4:00 am? No? I didn’t think so.

But it seems to me that every romantic comedy under the sun uses this over-used trope. Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn’t care and lets him know that. Boy pursues girl anyway making a complete ass out of himself. Girl finally sees the light and reciprocates affection. They get married and live happily ever after.   If I happen to be watching it, I die a little inside and bang my head against the wall in an attempt to dislodge the brainwashing toxins. How about this: Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn’t care and lets him know that. Boy pursues girl anyway making a complete ass of himself. Girl finally sees the light and kicks him in the balls. Boy takes the hint and moves on with his life. Or even better, boy takes the hint before girl feels she has no recourse but to inflict violence on the hapless male.

Are you kidding me?  This is ridiculous.  Refusing to take no for an answer makes you a rapist.  It’s not funny and it’s not cool and I don’t ever want to see it again.  So that’s why I quit watching television.  It’s way too gross and depressing.

Krispy Kreme is celebrating the inauguration of President Obama by giving away free doughnuts of your choice. Of course, the American Life Leaguee would have a problem with this choice of words. Offering people a choice is a tacit approval of abortion rights. They should have chose the word option in place of choice. Choice is now a potty no-no word thanks to all those nasty people that think that abortion should be legal. In case you think I am exaggerating, allow me to post the exact quote that got the ALL’s panties all in a bunch.

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Inc. (NYSE: KKD) is honoring American’s sense of pride and freedom of choice on Inauguration Day, by offering a free doughnut of choice to every customer on this historic day, Jan. 20. By doing so, participating Krispy Kreme stores nationwide are making an oath to tasty goodies — just another reminder of how oh-so-sweet “free” can be.

I only wish that there was a local Krispy Kreme here in Saskatoon so that I could go and choose the doughnut of my own choice and choose how to eat it. Would I scarf it down? Would I eat it in front of my kids while singing “NA NA YOU CAN’T HAVE ANY! Would I throw it in the trough with the bacon grease and the old socks and devour it, like I usually do? Would I don my long LAYDEE gloves and nibble it delicately while sipping my tea? Nobody knows! But I do love having choices.

Unfortunately, Krispy Kreme kaved (*OMG alliteration!) and changed their wording to reflect the fact that choice is not kool. Here is the updated press release.

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts’ Inauguration Day promotion on Tuesday, January 20, 2009, is offering one, free doughnut of a customer’s choice at participating Krispy Kreme locations nationwide. No purchase is necessary. The promotion allows customers to commemorate Inauguration Day by selecting one free doughnut of any variety at local participating stores. On Election Day, November 4, 2008, Krispy Kreme ran a promotion that provided customers with one free star-shaped doughnut at stores nationwide. The Inauguration Day promotion is not about any social or political issue.

If you want to laugh yourself silly at pompous and self-important people, go ahead and read the crowing going on at ALL. How could anybody possibly parody these people?

Will I ever find my very own Edward?

Oh wait, I already had an emotionally abusive bad boy that treated me like crap. It’s over-rated girls, it really is.

A recovering Mormon read the Twilight series so you don’t have to. Go ahead and read and laugh.

Via Violet Socks, a very astute comment.

The rules are different for women than for any other oppressed group. Consider if the shoe were on the other foot: if this were the election of the first (white) woman president, but she’d won by waging a grossly racist campaign against not one but two African-Americans. A campaign where the word “nigger” became the standard term of reference for the two AA candidates. A campaign where the AA candidates were ridiculed and slandered as shiftless and lazy and dumb, where the historic nature of their achievement was completely denied.

In those circumstances, would African-Americans be expected to put all that aside and weep with joy that a (white) woman had finally been elected President? Of course not.

In a patriarchy women are expected to abase themselves utterly. But I don’t play by that rule.

Damn straight. It puts all the joy expressed on many of the feminist blogs I frequent into perspective. I certainly don’t feel right calling myself a “feminist”, if this is what it means.

*As taken from the awesomest blog in the universe, I blame the patriarchy.

I hope that all three people who are reading this blog and actually care about my opinions are having fun digesting their turkey and cranberry stuffing. But lo and behold! Here I come to destroy all that goodwill and gratefulness you experienced as you spent time with your loved ones, with a Thanksgiving post that reminds you all, that Thanksgiving represents the patriarchy squared. Anyway, I am tired and I have to prepare for another day as a loyal employee of the public school board. So instead of providing a substantive post repudiating Thanksgiving, I will link to a wonderful, though absent, blogger, who expresses my Thanksgiving misgivings much better than I ever could. Enjoy!